Wednesday 27 May 2020

Freddie Prinz Junior

Let me tell you a story that makes my heart
    beat with intention.
Okay, I lied. I don't even know
                     if my heart beats anymore.
I actually think that it's drowning  -
          in the sludge of shame. I know that it
longs, though and I know that it feels.

I hear the crackling of the fire
   and remember the time I almost burned
the house down - alone in it. An involuntary
  suicide.
               Irony in the face of all those bottles of
                   pills.

Relief.
My belly sits on my thighs.
          The monk, she told me to relax it.
                                                          Let it hang.
           Breathe in and
                                                        let it expand.
           Breathe out and
                                                       let it contract.

How does that
          make you feel?
                                   You fatphobic fuck!
See, that's funny
         because it's usually:           fat fuck.
There is power in turning the words around.
There is power in words.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't somewhat fond
        of the pain. I mean, my joy was stolen from me
the day I pulled the Freddie Prinz Junior poster
                                                         out of my locker.

Smothered by vacuous righteousness.
                      And the false promise of belonging. 

Tuesday 26 May 2020

The Cox Phenomenon


Here it is again. The gallows of woman-
   hood - the debilitation which validates
the condition.

Someone tell me; does living through
  a pandemic give you license to breathe,
in the midst of those who cannot?

Or shall I shift the gearstick into neutral
  and roll into a pasture?

Maybe you'll drown with me at the bottom
  of the lake?

Like the time I read
       that we have just three minutes to live
but every time we breathe it resets the clock.

Wrap your head around such a fragile
    existence. And contrast it with the
woman born limbless
                                   who flies planes.